Sunday, August 17, 2008
When I got pregnant with Kastan I really didn't know what I was in store for. I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy that was the most laid back, loving boy. Even though he was a dream child I was miserable the first 3 months. We lived in Hawaii away from any family and were truely on our own with this precious little boy. The precious little boy did not sleep more than two hour spurts but I was determined to be the best mom ever so I struggled through it. I refused to show weakness to anyone, after all the stories you ever hear are these wonderful tales of instant bonding and undying love a mother has. I felt like I missed the boat on that one. I mean I did think he was the cutest baby ever but other than that he was so much work, not to mention the wear and tear on my body. I felt guilty for thinking it but I did dream of my before baby life, the one where I could sleep when ever I wanted. I remember the first night in the hospital I looked down at Kastan and said you are going to have to be a good baby because I am not a very good Mommy. We all made it through those horrible first 3 months and he has lived up to every word of my first night request! He is such a smart, caring and compassionate little boy, our family was complete. I didn't want another baby, didn't think I could handle another espically the newborn stage. I did get pregnant again with a surprise when my husband got back from overseas. I just didn't know what to feel, I mean it wasn't something we planned or even struggled for. I felt so guilty for Kastan, he was the center of our world, we did everything for just him. I was scared for myself and those dreadful beginnings. I knew there was no turning back but I didn't know how to handle it. When we told Kastan we were having another baby he didn't want it and it just made me want to scoop him up in my arms and keep his world all the same. Then Kye came into our world, he was my firecracker from the start. Kastan came to the hospital to meet Kye and he walked in and said that is my brother and the pride I saw in his face I knew everything was going to be alright in our family. Their bond was instant, Kastan was a great big brother from day one. He sacrificed having Mommy and Daddy all to himself without ever complaining. He loved to jump in and help with anything that he could. They are each others buddies. Listening to their conversations just melts my heart, watching them take care of each other reassures me I did the right thing. Knowing that they will always have each other comforts me. Don't get me wrong Kastan does big brother him sometimes like this morning when he told him to drink the soapy bath water but that is made up for when Kye crawls on the couch and out of the blue gives Kastan a kiss. Their relationship is natural and has completed our family!