Hostage

I was held hostage today in a gas station bathroom today and the gunman was my ass. So sorry to be so gross but seriously I will turn 34 next month is that old enough to require Depends? I mean no way ever could I overcome the expense of diapers again, we just got rid of them a couple of months age from Kye.

By the way do you know how embarassing it is to have to run into a gas station bathroom? All those times the paparazzi thought Britney was crazy, maybe just maybe she had the shits.

So there I was stuck on the tiolet with the sink water running to conceal the sound and trying to give courtesy flushes to keep the smell to myself and I thought about the beginning of my relationship with Keith. We were on our third date and just left the movies enroute to a club. I feel a little grumble in my belly and I know that I am not going to make it. I ask him nicely to turn into 7-11. He says but the club is only a block over. I was on the verge of tears and exploding so I snap "JUST PLEASE PULL OVER" He does and I do the squeezed-booty shuffle inside. When I ask for the restroom the overgrown ape working there says it is not public without even looking at me. I beg him to please let me use it, I promise to never tell anyone that I used the bathroom there (hahahah beotch I am telling the story all over the internet now). Finally looking up at me he must of recognized the desperation in my face and he let me use it. It was a total Waynes World scene in that poor bathroom.

I don't say anything as I return to the car and neither does Keith. We both pretend that it is normal to take a 20 min break at the local 7-11 prior to any date. We went on to enjoy the rest of the night never mentioning the fact that I almost shit my pants. In fact we only talked about it like 2 years into our marriage. I guess he knew from that point on what a lady I was!!